My name is Luke and I am a man. A man with a severe case of “having a moustache”.
The realisation first dawned on me while shaving. What if, instead of shaving normally, I didn’t shave my top lip? Would I look like Tom Selleck? (That’s “Richard from Friends” to people my age, Magnum PI to the older guys and… I guess meaningless if you’re younger than 25?!).
At first, I thought it was a phase. I thought “this will be funny to show my friends”.
I went out that night. Everywhere I went people looked at me differently. Not in a bad way, just differently. I met my friends. “Why does that suit you so well, mate!” I heard a friend say as I approached where they were sitting. I sat down. Everyone remarked on how different I looked. They all said it looked good. “C’mon, guys. Really?!”. The unanimous feedback was “yes, really”.
I decided I would keep the lip hugger for another few days and see if I came around to it. I did.
As the moustache grew longer I realised It needed some structure. It was time to go full-handlebar moustache.
I went online and was immediately perplexed by choice. Knowing I’m a goldilocks, I bought 6 different waxes each with their own unique selling point.
After 6 days and six waxes, I realised none of them had what I was looking for.
I didn’t want my moustache to smell of mangos.
I didn’t want my moustache to look wet.
I didn’t want my moustache to look like it had dandruff.
I didn’t want my moustache to look exactly the same as it did without wax.
I didn’t want my moustache to fall apart anytime I broke a sweat.
I didn’t want my moustache to need maintaining throughout the day.
I was in moustache purgatory.
I looked at all the pots and I thought to myself “what is even in these?”. I spent the night online researching. I was shocked at the number of unpronounceable chemicals went into some of these products.
I came up with a simple rule: If I don’t know what it is, I don’t want it on my face.
I lined up all the common ingredients that every wax I could find had. I then read up on different types of bees and different types of wax they create.
Next, I made 42 different moustache waxes in my kitchen and set out on two months of scoring the waxes against each other by scent, hand feel, longevity, hardness and, of course, aesthetic.
I found what I was looking for. A combination of 3 types of wax, some essential oils and coconut butter that worked perfectly on my stubborn lip fuzz.
I was now officially; a bloke with a handlebar moustache... and a hipster who makes his own wax.
People started asking me how I kept my moustache so neat. I even began handing out tins of homemade moustache wax to people. This later went on to become “The Quick Brown Fox Moustache Wax”.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves...
...stay tuned for part 2: Starting a moustache wax business by joining my mailing list, if you enjoyed this. If not, good on you for sticking it out.